Donât you think there is something very peculiar about how the world looks at women who stand alone? These are the women who donât frequently find themselves glued to a buzzing WhatsApp group or busy with brunches and catch-ups. Because of this, they are often assumed to be shy or a little on the colder side, or even worse, lonely.
However, there exists a particular group of women for whom a smaller social network is not a consequence of social incompetence but rather a well-considered decision.
The truth is that being labeled as having âlow sociabilityâ or maintaining a small, close-knit circle can be linked to certain personality traits. For example, research on the Big Five personality model has found correlations between lower sociability and introversion, as well as openness to experience, where individuals may value self-reflection more than external input.
If you realize that your social circle is very small, you will probably notice all five of these traits in yourself.
1. Allergy to the âsurface levelâ
Social encounters would not be possible without small talk. Small talk is made up of questions such as âHowâs work?â and âCan you believe this weather?â These types of conversations grease the wheels of society. For some people, this might sound fine. But for the woman who knows very few people, this is slowly but steadily draining.
There is a term in psychology called substantive conversation, which refers to a deep, meaningful conversation which goes beyond small talk. According to a study in the journal Psychological Science, the relationship between human happiness and substantive conversation was greater than the correlation between happiness and the number of social interactions. Interestingly, the most contented people had double the amount of substantive conversations compared to the unhappiest ones.
The women drawn to small groups have an inner urge to seek out this substance. There is no desire on their part to appear âdeepâ or âedgy.â It just seems exhausting to them to put on a show of caring about what doesnât really matter. The more you strip down to the essentials, the more you will automatically weed out those who thrive on superficiality. Youâll be left with two or three people who are ready to explore the deeper meaning of life, and the rest will fall away as they are not getting what they came for.
2. Low tolerance for social performance
Large groups have their performative aspect too. You have to laugh at the right times and join in what sociologists refer to as social grooming. Among humans, gossip is one common form of social grooming.
Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary psychologist, made some very interesting observations in Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language, suggesting that gossip, or âvocal grooming,â played an important part in the evolution of the human species, allowing us to live in larger social groups compared to other primates. But for many women, this âcostâ feels like just too much.
If you are that person who experiences a kind of personal âcringeâ whenever the topic drifts to the personal matters of others, then you will discover yourself becoming an outsider in those particular social settings.
You are not judgmental but rather place importance on integrity more than getting a quick high through finding common ground to bond with others. Once you are no longer partaking in the currency of gossip, you have in effect withdrawn from most social situations.
